It's Always the Kitties
by Dark and Chaotic
Summary: The Akatsuki End up in a Parisian household's basement in the form of adorable kittens. It's up to Fiona, MJ, Leopold and Hatorri to figure out how to get them home all the while doing their best to not get killed. It's easier said than done, as the blonde bimbo is determined to get a certain orange masked Akatsuki to acknowledge her. Read and Review for faster chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

Because Everybody does Akatsuki Kittens

A box.

A box full of oddly colored kittens.

Fiona had quite a few ideas what to do with them but even her sadistic heart could not bear with the thought of her mother finding them. The woman had strict no pets allowed rule. The blonde sighed. It wasn't her fault that she found them in her basement. She even bet they were from the same litter, their weird ass coloration be damned.

Maybe she should start from the beginning.

Her name was Fiona Johnson and she wasn't exactly the typical blonde bimbo with azure blue eyes, tanned skin and plumb kissable lips. She was a miscreant- the type that made every single one of her teachers tear their hair and fellow students to steer clear of her. Not many people had the patience to deal with a self-declared super villain. Apart from her fellow rival and nemesis, Leopold, everyone else seemed to steer clear of her, fearing a random burst of …something. After all, an idle mind was the devil's playground and when one was a genius, the playground could easily be compared to an intergalactic battlefield of ginormous proportions.

So, it had been yet another lovely early summer day when she had decided to check up on some of her things in the basement when she had heard some pretty suspicious sounding shuffling sounds. When she had found the source the shuffling had promptly stopped. Ten large pairs of amazingly cute kitten eyes were looking up at her, oddly attentive. It might have been the fact her hair was still a bit of an uncombed mess, with wavy large curls and that she had a pen stuck behind one ear. Hell, it might have even been her flashlight. Or maybe it was the fact she was just in her pajama shorts and nothing but her cute pink hello kitty bra to cover and hold up her huge twin melons. It was summer, it was hot and hell, this was her house!

'Oh.' Was the only thing she said after blinking sheepishly at the litter of mutant kittens. Fia kneeled and promptly grabbed one, ignoring the hissing and clawing. They stared at each other, the girl observing its weird not quite white fur and its strange eyes that almost seemed purple in the dim lit basement.

For a while the commotion coming from the box stopped. It was weird and Fia found nothing better to do than use the moment and throw the silver kitten back into the box. She flapped it shut and carried it into her room, her initial devious ideas completely forgotten. When she got to her room she simply placed the box on the floor and with one foot shoved it under her bed.

**888**

It had been exactly three hours since the strange girl had left them in an undisclosed location. Pein was finding it hard to concentrate on formulating a decent escape plan with all of the other members either complaining, fighting amongst themselves or whining. There was a barely visible twitch above his left ginger-ish kitty eyebrow.

'Be quiet!' he hissed dangerously, making a ridiculously cute looking snarl with his cute ginger kitten face.' We have no idea what has happened or where we are! We must be extremely cautious and avoid non-feline behavior.'

'Yay! Tobi is a good kitty!' meowed the black kitten with an orange splat on its face.

'Shut up, Tobi, un! Didn't you hear what Leader-sama said?' Hissed the blond kitten.

Just as another fight was about to break out, all of them heard a door opening and the voices of two pople- the blonde girl and a boy.

'I'm telling you, Leo, they were in my basement. I swear to any deity that is out there that I did not bring then on purpose.'

'What about Subject Five?'

'Hey! That doesn't count and you know it!'

'The neighbors' old dog?

'I was freaking ten!'

'The squirrels that lived across the street up until two weeks ago?'

The blonde growled and there was a smacking sound, followed by some shuffling and struggling.

'Fine! I won't do anything to them.'

'Do you swear?'

'Yes!'

'Swear upon the Bible.'

'I will!'

'Not your lap top, the real Bible!'

'Let me go!'

'Not until I am certain these kittens will survive unharmed and healthy until adulthood.'

'Crazy cat person let me go!'

'Don't let me go upstairs and find you doing inappropriate things under my roof!' that came from the first floor.

'We're just rough housing mom!'

'That's right, Mrs. Johnson, we're not having sex!'

There was something that suspiciously sounded like a kick to the shins.

'God damnit, Leo, now she'll be pestering me for the entire week.'

'Hn.'came his amused reply.

'Fine! I'll keep the kittens nice and healthy, you cocky bastard! But you will have to find homes for them. If my mom finds them they are as good as socks and you know it.'

The boy sighed and not too soon there were shuffling sounds and then the box was moved and the lid was opened to reveal ten tentative and curious gazes.

'Now I'll be damned.' Leopold murmured, running fingers through his hair, looking ever so slightly overwhelmed.

'I know, right? They look exactly as the Akatsuki and-'

'You will not run tests on them or I will skin your Brazilian ass.' Leopold threatened her, with no small amount of killer intent in his voice. 'This is most likely some kind of practical joke, similar to the one from three years ago. The chances this here are the real Akatsuki are about as high as you proclaiming yourself a Death Note core fan. I, personally, don't find it funny in the least. We have a serious case of security breach, not to mention the animal abuse and possible future consequences. Did you check the basement for any clues or signs of breaking and entering?'

There was a silent pause and Leopold sighed. His hazel eyes glared at his blonde companion, who sheepishly grinned, hoping the cuteness factor was enough to appease his foul mood.

'What the hell did you do in the last three hours?' he asked, annoyance seeping from his voice. Fia took a breath to answer but Leo held up a hand. 'Don't tell me, I probably would regret hearing it.'

'For your information, I had a raid with the Koreans. It's progress night, you know.' She stated, an indignant frown on her face and hands on her hips. It would be a good idea to mention that said progress night corresponded with her early morning.

'As I said, I regret hearing it.'

She simply poked her tongue at him. Leopold sighed loudly, tired of their foolish banter and looked again at the kittens. This time their full attention was upon him. It was completely atypical behavior for kittens and he found himself narrowing his eyes suspiciously at them, through straight locks of auburn hair.

He picked up the friendliest looking kitten- the black one with the orange splat on its face. It stretched its tiny paws in his direction, oddly looking as if trying to hug him.

'So, are we starting with the hot and cold water test?' Fia asked eagerly, while taking a real close look of the Tobi-like kitten in Leo's arms. Its dark eyes looked curiously at her intrigued azure ones.

She cringed at the withering glare sent her way, courtesy of Leopold.

A/N: So, do you like it? I think you'll definitely like it, fans of Kitty Akatsuki. After all, its not everyday that you have actual male main character OCs and not just the all-female craps that is flooding the archives as of yet! Please read and leave a review! Thanksies!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"Are you done with this stupidity or is the sight of little shivering kittens satisfactory enough yet?" Leopold tapped his foot impatiently, quickly deciding to grab a tower and help the poor animals into a state closer to warmth and dryness. In all honesty, most of these strangely colored fluff-balls were of the worst type of disposition he had seen in domesticated animals. Being a highly intelligent and logical person, Leopold still hadn't dismissed the notion that Fiona was still pulling his leg about the whole situation and that she had purposefully dyed a bunch of homeless sweethearts just so she could say at some point that she had managed to swindle him in the most spectacular manner. Despite his glares and the imminent feeling of betrayal, the greater part of him was convinced that she really did find the kittens in this state in her basement.

That second notion was even more troubling. Fiona and he were parts of rivalling cosplay fan club organizations. If someone had been planning anything of the sort, he would've known and he would've put a stop to it before the idea even had the chance to take root. No. His thoughts were more along the line of the existence of some sort of third party. Sure, sneaking dyed cats into one's basement sounded almost harmless, but their homes were completely off the internet charts and no one outside the inner circles of their respective clubs knew their actual addresses. Thus the security breach. What next then, if such was the case? Who would be targeted next and what if that speculated next time happened to lead to something dangerous? He had valid reasons to be worried.

Leo snaked a hard through his auburn hair and his light hazel eyes focused again on his childhood friend and fellow genius slash rival. Despite all of her faults, most notably her progressively worsening disregard of the so called by her status quo, Fiona was still a rather loving and cheerful person, with a mischievous streak meaner than a club of cheated housewives. There was also her unhealthy fascination with science, good and evil, and consequences. He couldn't say he did not enjoy the occasional game of dominoes, but her version of it, in all honesty, was well over the top to be considered sane-worthy.

"Leo, can you can me a few small cups and a bottle of room temperature water? I bet these buggers are thirsty after all that transdimensional travelling." Fiona grinned foxily, while picking up a black kitten with dark eyes and carefully rubbing it free of most of the water in its fur. As Leo complied with an exaggerated eye-roll at her antics, she turned to coo at the black kitty. "You are a little Uchiha Itachi! Yes, you are! Boo-boo-boo!"

The blond cooed at the kitty and rubbed her face into its damp, but still fluffy belly. The kitty merely stood still as if frozen, and the other little cats, or rather some of them, seemed to crack up with laughter at the scene.

"Well! That's all of you little cats nice and clean. Too bad the hot and cold water didn't work. I would've helped you out if you really did end up being the Akatsuki!"

Leopold sighed as he poured water into the little glass bowls he had procured from the kitchen downstairs. He had heard rumors of how some women would just suddenly start getting interested in children once the brunt of puberty settled in or began to pass. But with Fia it was kind of ridiculous. He still clearly remembered the sheer horror and trepidation on her face just from glancing at a toddler, let alone the incomprehensible terror of the eventual care she'd have to give to a little newborn baby.

And now here she was, deviant extraordinaire, blowing up her ovaries over a bunch of kittens that clearly had a bad hair day.

"You know, you could at least try and accept the fact that these here are ordinary kittens and that they are not some fictional villains in matching cloaks."

"With big ass neck-bands. I know Leo, but can't you imagine even for one second what would it be like if it really was them? Come on, think about it."

"Oh, I am thinking about it. I can see it now, cut down into pieces and burnt until not even the DNA specialists could determine whether or not we once were part of the human race."

"You are a party pooper, you know that?" Fiona pouted as she idly her favorite kitten, the Tobi one, who seemed to revel in her hand's administrations, to the dismay of the other kittens.

"I'm just trying to watch your back, Fia. And do the right thing about these poor, abused animals." Leo replied softly, while picking up one of the kittens that had been sitting by his left foot. It was bigger than most of them, vaguely Kakuzu-looking. He gently patted its patchy fur and then left it on the bed by Fia's side, a small, gentle smile stretching his lips for a moment or two. "I'll go get them something to eat, they should be old enough to eat meat or fish."

"With teeth and claws like those, I'd say they're an entire pride of dangerous lions!" the blonde grinned as she cuddled the little Tobi kitten.

Leo looked at the clock and then at the assorted dyed kittens.

"Get them in that box before bed, for now." He said.

"Yes, I know. Mum and Dad are leaving tomorrow and then, after I see them off, we will take my villains to the vet to check them out and set up pamphlets and stuff."

"When will Hatorri be here? I remember him saying he'd be here sometime next week.

"Yeah, and MJ's coming with Charlie and Tifa, since they'll be taking the same plane from London to Paris."

"What about L-chan?"

"Of course you'd ask about her. Rosie hasn't confirmed whether she'd be coming or not. Her father needs her to run some stuff at the office and she wasn't too enthusiastic about it."

"There goes the idea of romantic dinner with candles."

"Go get the kitties something to eat, and maybe some kitty litter. The floor is hardwood and Mum will kill me this time for real if I get a spot on her precious floors."

That night Leo said his respectful goodnights to her and her parents and went back to his house. Fia waited for her parents to get to sleep before unleashing the little rascals into the room again, promptly setting them up on impromptu beds of blankets and pillows, taking a few of the kittens in bed with her, the kittens being Tobi, Pein and Konnan. With her head surrounded by said kittens, she snuggled her face into Tobi's fluffy kitten belly.

"Night little Tobi kitten." She mumbled sleepily, kissed a fluffy orange whiskered cheek and gently stroked his fur until she finally succumbed to sleep.

Morning came unusually late for her and at first she nearly panicked at the sight of the missing kittens. At first she thought her parents had found them but that train of thought derailed spectacularly when she quickly realized her mother would've been nagging at her for hours at end and not let her sleep in. Then again the whole sleeping in thing felt somewhat weird to her. She was usually up around 5 in the morning and she couldn't shake off the feeling that she was missing something crucial.

"Morning, Fiona." her mother greeted her, already dressed in her usual prim way, and sipping on her coffee as she was looking at the newspaper. "Why aren't you dressed yet? Your father and I will be leaving in 30 minutes."

"I've slept in, I will get ready in a second." She smiled nicely at her mother all the while glancing about the room for any clues concerning the missing kittens. The paranoid side of her was telling her that Leopold might've been right and that the supposed person who had snuck them in her house had now snuck them out right under her nose while she was sleeping. A cold chill went down her spine and the thought and she couldn't suppress her shudder.

By the time she got dressed, Leo had already come over and soon enough her father was giving her best friend and neighbor some ground rules. And no, they were not the typical ground rules.

"Try to keep her from eating too many burgers or she might get ill. Sometimes she forgets to check if the kitchen windows are closed and locked and you have to double check them, just in case a burglar decides to rob us."

"Keep an eye on the mail box too, sweetie. The mailman complained about it being missing again the other week and I think Fia might not have forgiven about that incident yet."

The list of things went on for a while and all Leo could do was keep that polite smile plastered to his face until the tirade was over. The blonde in question was trying her best not to look ridiculously impatient about her parents leaving for the entire duration of the summer. Not that she didn't like her parents. It was just that she did not necessarily identify herself with them. And they were going to Belgium of all places! That was the land of pure evil! It was where her evil grandma made her go to elementary school with pigtail like braids! And that was just one of the many slights that damned old hag had committed against her person since she was this big!

Finally, the two teens / young adults waved Mr. and Mrs. Johnson goodbye and waited for them to be out of sight before getting up to business.

"I will check the surrounding streets and you check any hole in or around your house. They must be somewhere around here. Dammit." Leo swore lightly as he rushed away.

Not wasting time, Fia went back into her house and quickly began to look for the kittens in every single room in her house. After checking the Master Bedroom, she quickly headed towards one of the adjacent guest rooms. Just as she made a harsh turn to the right from the door, she bumped into someone who was just about her height, pale with a dark cloak and possessed a most enchanting pair of swirly Sharingan red eyes.

With a soft and barely audible 'Oh.' Fia's world was claimed by darkness.


End file.
